I’m not an influencer, at least I don’t consider myself one, but I do exist publicly online, and some of my dearest friends are influencers, content creators, whatever word de jour you want to use.
Thank you for this. Really well-written and on the nose . . . for me it was a little cathartic to read! I am an influencer who has been at it a long time (I started doing this in 2010!) I've experienced all of this firsthand. Slowly building a following, leaving my corporate job to go to a startup, leaving that startup to work for myself. Going from living in a studio in Murray Hill to a 1-BR in Brooklyn to eventually leaving New York and buying my own house. Being put on a pedestal as "one of the good ones," "soooo relatable and real" during the pandemic to being so "out of touch" when I bought my house in Charleston just a couple years later. Suddenly, I had "changed" when all that had really changed was that I was no longer saving up to buy a house and I had more disposable income.
Anytime I wear something more expensive, if I show it on social media, I feel like I have to mentally prepare for negative comments. Arm myself with affordable dupes. Be prepared to explain myself. Etc. It can be a lot. I painstakingly source products for my blog and socials across all points, but if I wear something considered to be "too expensive" by a follower, there we go . . . it's time for a lashing.
The same goes for the pressure to post things that fit an audience's budget -- sometimes it feels as though everyone wants something that is under $100, totally sustainable, and completely originally designed. A unicorn object that (while I wish it did) does not exist.
All of this to say, thank you. What you wrote was very relatable (ha) to me. xx
I have a much smaller following - about 8k people total, and I NEVER get these kinds of comments or demands, and my hypothesis is because I’m on the unapologetically wealthy creator/account side of things.
But I also wonder if it’s because I’m still small, or maybe I’m still small because I’ve positioned myself this way?
Regardless this: “Anytime I wear something more expensive, if I show it on social media, I feel like I have to mentally prepare for negative comments. Arm myself with affordable dupes.”
Sounds mentally, and emotionally exhausting!
I understand the labor of sourcing items if affiliate sales are a sizable part of your revenue, but know that there are just as many people consuming your content in admiration, telling themselves “one day” or “I’ll save up for it”, liking your post and then moving on with their day.
I admit that this is something I’ve REALLY struggled with and your perspective was super helpful. The reason it was helpful is that you seemed to point out the “why” for me; which is that tribe mentality. And it’s been easier for me (when feeling rejected from my tribe because of spending disparity) to put the blame elsewhere. As I mature-hopefully- I’m learning that I don’t want to critique anyone’s choices; hers, mine or otherwise.
At the end of the day we all just want to be part of the tribe and be accepted! It's such an understandable human reaction. Thanks for the read and the thoughtful note 💖
completely agree, the paradox to lifestyle influencing is that you gain traction for authentic content but when your authentic life steps up a little (because of your success as an influencer) people begin to turn away and some influencers have to go out of their way to remain 'relatable'.
in the end relatability becomes a branding tactic - makes me think of the theory that taylor swift purposefully dresses 'bad' to seem more relatable to her fans!
Ohhh that's good "relatability becomes a branding tactic" - which at the end of the day when figured out only further erodes trust. You can't dress badly on purpose to be #Relatable then hop on your own personal private jet and believe you've truly fooled people. Nor should you have to try and fool people to begin with!
i quite genuinely never understood this mentality. like if you don’t see yourself reflected in the offerings- don’t you just leave? unfollow? i’m a proud working class black trans woman- and i follow the luxury space for inspiration. i also shop luxury- against my budget and better judgment at times but the beauty of self employment- sometimes i have funds and can invest/splurge- and there are times like more recently, where i just have to be satisfied that i can make rent and health insurance premiums and that’s it.
these are parasocial relationships. these influencers don’t actually know me personally- they are friends in my head. my relationship to them is they show me what’s out there in the world. and if i can’t afford something, it’s not my deficit- it’s just my reality. why are we invested in these parasocial relationships to this magnitude? why do we compare ourselves to other people in this way? it’s mind boggling.
it’s ok to not be able to afford something. we can’t all be oligarchs. we can’t all be the 1%. or the 10%. take inspiration and make it make sense for your actual life.
sorry for the comment brain dump i just for the life of me can’t ascertain how the internet got to a place of relatability and then chastising someone for having access to something you do not. and that somehow being a deficit of the influencer. like they are an influencer- you don’t know if they bought it or it was gifted. these days you don’t know if it is an Ad or if it’s organic. wouldn’t you just awe and admire and keep scrolling??
Aria that has always been my mentality as well. I either admire, add it to a wishlist to save up for, or move on. If I want a dupe that fits in MY budget, I do the research - because also no one else knows my budget! How could they anticipate what I can and can’t afford?
I really do think it’s so easy to forget we’re all just consuming free content from complete strangers on the internet 😂
I’m so glad it landed! It’s been something that’s been bugging me and like you said in your re-stack - I think we could all be happier if we simply took what resonates with us and leave the rest. 💖
In a word, entitlement. As I like to say, you don't walk into Bergdorfs and start haggling. You don't approach the salesperson and start yelling at them that the prices are too high. No matter your income, you're welcome to browse, window shop, and be inspired. Same thing for spaces online. Nobody you follow online owes you a single thing, not one, including the illusion of being relatable.
Also, I'd love to know your thoughts on the internalized misogyny of this entitlement because it's mostly women voicing this complaint against each other. It feels like it has roots in that competitive scarcity mindset. If someone is laddering up financially, it feels like we should be rooting for them, not berating them, right?
Oh 100%! Not only that, but sharing publicly online your personal purchases opens up the age old argument that women are inherently bad with money, frivolous spenders, and if they’re buying designer purses or what have you they MUST be irresponsible and in debt.
Ironically women have been shown time and time again to be more prudent investors, and savvy budgeters compared with our male counterparts.
A man spending $70k on a new truck is fine, but how DARE a woman spend $5k on a purse 😱
yeah, the whole argument really bothers me. And there are a LOT of people on Substack writing thinkity think pieces about it (ironically to be relatable) who I wonder if they know how sexist they sound?
This post satisfied an itch! I was literally talking to my partner last night about the whole relatability cycle of successful "influencers" and how I wish I could gather my thoughts enough to write a cohesive post about it, but you did my thoughts justice. The thing I'm curious about is how to evolve when you do become so successful at being relatable that you're no longer relatable. If you (a hypothetical successful influencer) stick to your old ways especially in ways that involve frugality or only low-budget options, it may feel disingenuous; but if you are true to your new lifestyle (of riches) you're no longer relatable and risk alienating the original followers who got you to where you are. And I wonder what the perspective is like from the follower side. I guess the options are to unfollow or treat you as a purely aspirational follow? Clearly I've got some rambling thoughts on the topic!
Thank you for this. Really well-written and on the nose . . . for me it was a little cathartic to read! I am an influencer who has been at it a long time (I started doing this in 2010!) I've experienced all of this firsthand. Slowly building a following, leaving my corporate job to go to a startup, leaving that startup to work for myself. Going from living in a studio in Murray Hill to a 1-BR in Brooklyn to eventually leaving New York and buying my own house. Being put on a pedestal as "one of the good ones," "soooo relatable and real" during the pandemic to being so "out of touch" when I bought my house in Charleston just a couple years later. Suddenly, I had "changed" when all that had really changed was that I was no longer saving up to buy a house and I had more disposable income.
Anytime I wear something more expensive, if I show it on social media, I feel like I have to mentally prepare for negative comments. Arm myself with affordable dupes. Be prepared to explain myself. Etc. It can be a lot. I painstakingly source products for my blog and socials across all points, but if I wear something considered to be "too expensive" by a follower, there we go . . . it's time for a lashing.
The same goes for the pressure to post things that fit an audience's budget -- sometimes it feels as though everyone wants something that is under $100, totally sustainable, and completely originally designed. A unicorn object that (while I wish it did) does not exist.
All of this to say, thank you. What you wrote was very relatable (ha) to me. xx
I have a much smaller following - about 8k people total, and I NEVER get these kinds of comments or demands, and my hypothesis is because I’m on the unapologetically wealthy creator/account side of things.
But I also wonder if it’s because I’m still small, or maybe I’m still small because I’ve positioned myself this way?
Regardless this: “Anytime I wear something more expensive, if I show it on social media, I feel like I have to mentally prepare for negative comments. Arm myself with affordable dupes.”
Sounds mentally, and emotionally exhausting!
I understand the labor of sourcing items if affiliate sales are a sizable part of your revenue, but know that there are just as many people consuming your content in admiration, telling themselves “one day” or “I’ll save up for it”, liking your post and then moving on with their day.
Loud ≠ Majority.
Thank you for sharing your experience 💖💖💖
I admit that this is something I’ve REALLY struggled with and your perspective was super helpful. The reason it was helpful is that you seemed to point out the “why” for me; which is that tribe mentality. And it’s been easier for me (when feeling rejected from my tribe because of spending disparity) to put the blame elsewhere. As I mature-hopefully- I’m learning that I don’t want to critique anyone’s choices; hers, mine or otherwise.
At the end of the day we all just want to be part of the tribe and be accepted! It's such an understandable human reaction. Thanks for the read and the thoughtful note 💖
completely agree, the paradox to lifestyle influencing is that you gain traction for authentic content but when your authentic life steps up a little (because of your success as an influencer) people begin to turn away and some influencers have to go out of their way to remain 'relatable'.
in the end relatability becomes a branding tactic - makes me think of the theory that taylor swift purposefully dresses 'bad' to seem more relatable to her fans!
Ohhh that's good "relatability becomes a branding tactic" - which at the end of the day when figured out only further erodes trust. You can't dress badly on purpose to be #Relatable then hop on your own personal private jet and believe you've truly fooled people. Nor should you have to try and fool people to begin with!
i quite genuinely never understood this mentality. like if you don’t see yourself reflected in the offerings- don’t you just leave? unfollow? i’m a proud working class black trans woman- and i follow the luxury space for inspiration. i also shop luxury- against my budget and better judgment at times but the beauty of self employment- sometimes i have funds and can invest/splurge- and there are times like more recently, where i just have to be satisfied that i can make rent and health insurance premiums and that’s it.
these are parasocial relationships. these influencers don’t actually know me personally- they are friends in my head. my relationship to them is they show me what’s out there in the world. and if i can’t afford something, it’s not my deficit- it’s just my reality. why are we invested in these parasocial relationships to this magnitude? why do we compare ourselves to other people in this way? it’s mind boggling.
it’s ok to not be able to afford something. we can’t all be oligarchs. we can’t all be the 1%. or the 10%. take inspiration and make it make sense for your actual life.
sorry for the comment brain dump i just for the life of me can’t ascertain how the internet got to a place of relatability and then chastising someone for having access to something you do not. and that somehow being a deficit of the influencer. like they are an influencer- you don’t know if they bought it or it was gifted. these days you don’t know if it is an Ad or if it’s organic. wouldn’t you just awe and admire and keep scrolling??
Aria that has always been my mentality as well. I either admire, add it to a wishlist to save up for, or move on. If I want a dupe that fits in MY budget, I do the research - because also no one else knows my budget! How could they anticipate what I can and can’t afford?
I really do think it’s so easy to forget we’re all just consuming free content from complete strangers on the internet 😂
I really enjoyed reading this and it’s given me a lot to think about. It’s so considered and concise, too. Thank you.
Loved this article so much !
💖💖💖
Loved this so much!x
💖💖💖
Gina this was incredible. Thank you for these insights. So valuable to think about!!
I’m so glad it landed! It’s been something that’s been bugging me and like you said in your re-stack - I think we could all be happier if we simply took what resonates with us and leave the rest. 💖
In a word, entitlement. As I like to say, you don't walk into Bergdorfs and start haggling. You don't approach the salesperson and start yelling at them that the prices are too high. No matter your income, you're welcome to browse, window shop, and be inspired. Same thing for spaces online. Nobody you follow online owes you a single thing, not one, including the illusion of being relatable.
Also, I'd love to know your thoughts on the internalized misogyny of this entitlement because it's mostly women voicing this complaint against each other. It feels like it has roots in that competitive scarcity mindset. If someone is laddering up financially, it feels like we should be rooting for them, not berating them, right?
Oh 100%! Not only that, but sharing publicly online your personal purchases opens up the age old argument that women are inherently bad with money, frivolous spenders, and if they’re buying designer purses or what have you they MUST be irresponsible and in debt.
Ironically women have been shown time and time again to be more prudent investors, and savvy budgeters compared with our male counterparts.
A man spending $70k on a new truck is fine, but how DARE a woman spend $5k on a purse 😱
yeah, the whole argument really bothers me. And there are a LOT of people on Substack writing thinkity think pieces about it (ironically to be relatable) who I wonder if they know how sexist they sound?
Just another victim of the relatability trap 🥲
This post satisfied an itch! I was literally talking to my partner last night about the whole relatability cycle of successful "influencers" and how I wish I could gather my thoughts enough to write a cohesive post about it, but you did my thoughts justice. The thing I'm curious about is how to evolve when you do become so successful at being relatable that you're no longer relatable. If you (a hypothetical successful influencer) stick to your old ways especially in ways that involve frugality or only low-budget options, it may feel disingenuous; but if you are true to your new lifestyle (of riches) you're no longer relatable and risk alienating the original followers who got you to where you are. And I wonder what the perspective is like from the follower side. I guess the options are to unfollow or treat you as a purely aspirational follow? Clearly I've got some rambling thoughts on the topic!