The money rules I had to break to find my personal style

To understand how my money rules impacted my personal style, you first need to meet my mom Aracely.

Aracely was born to Mexican immigrant parents who came to Berkeley CA in the 50’s, her father was a tailor, her mother worked in a Dole Fruit Cannery, and she has 3 sisters. Aracely came of age in the 60’s and 70’s during Beatle mania, the summer of love, and the hippy movement.

My Abuelos had so much style!

She learned from her father how to mend her own clothes, she embroidered on her jeans, she planted gardens in old tin cans, and she made charcuterie boards for lunch in high school before that was even a thing.

My mom is unequivocally cool. She met my Dad, John, in high school and played hard to get. She said no the first 3 times he proposed.

I always loved this photo of my parents growing up. I still have this leather vest mom was wearing and brought it along to my honeymoon.

But eventually at the ripe age of 22 and 23 they were married. At the time my dad was a jazz musician in LA, and they were piss poor. But my mom is a thrift queen. She made it work. After 3 months in LA she “nudged” my dad to go back to Law School.

As my dad’s career grew, and his income grew with it, but my mom always maintained her thrifty lifestyle. When we were growing up I thought we were poor because we never went back to school shopping, we exclusively shopped at thrift stores, my mom was always finding free furniture on the side of the rode, we never had an allowance, and my sister and I were always forced to share a side when we ate out (which was a rarity itself).

Why does this all matter you may ask? Because my mom shaped my perception of how we should spend money.

Subconsciously I adopted the following set of rules:

1. You should never buy anything brand new (except underwear and socks)

2. You don’t need new clothes until you actually need them

3. No garment should cost more than $10 (ironic given her dad was a tailor)

4. Cheap does not have to mean low quality

5. You can’t go to a thrift store with a plan, you just have to see what finds you

None of these rules are inherently bad. Some were fantastic lessons that set me up for success later on; but when I got my first big girl job, and stared making real money they had some unintended consequences.

1. I never had a plan when I went shopping, which meant I never really curated a personal style. I just bought things that looked cool in the moment.

2. I rebelled against the thrift store shopping, but because I never wanted to spend more than $10-$20 on a garment I started shopping at fast fashion places like H&M or Forever21 and my closet filled with cheap crap.

3. I always accepted hand-me-downs from friends, or family and bloated my closet with random stuff.

In short I didn’t spend time actually considering who I wanted to be, and how that it with my personal style. I didn’t HAVE a personal style. I just had whatever clothes were available.

So the classic conundrum was created: a closet full of clothes with nothing to wear.

(Now I want to be clear, this was not because my mom lacks personal style. My mom has a ton of personal style, she’s a phenomenal thrifter, and always finds high quality items. I wouldn’t learn those lessons until later.)

This pattern went on for years. And when I look back at my old photos I see the low quality, I see the patchwork personal style, I see a young woman just trying to find her place in the world, and I see glimmers of the person I would become, I see risks I’m glad I took.

Fast forward to age 28 and 2 major life events later:

1. I was 10 months postpartum and felt like my body was regulating back to normal

2. I quit my job and became a full time entrepreneur

I started looking in the mirror and feeling like my clothes no longer matched my identity. I felt that I looked juvenile, that my clothes belonged back in college, and they no longer suited who I wanted to be - ESPECIALLY since my job requires a lot of visibility from strangers on the internet.

So I decided it was time to break the rules and create new ones:

“You should never buy anything brand new (except underwear and socks)”

Became 👉 “Buying new is morally neutral”

“You don’t need new clothes until you actually need them”

Became 👉 “Intentionally curating your closet reduces waste”

“No garment should cost more than $10”

Became 👉 “You vote with your dollar, make sure you’re spending in accordance with your values”

“Cheap does not have to mean low quality”

This one stayed with an amendment 👉 “Cheap does not have to mean low quality, but expensive doesn’t automatically mean high quality”

“You can’t go to a thrift store with a plan, you just have to see what finds you”

Became 👉 “You have to decide first what you want to find before seeking it”

Breaking these old rules and habits didn’t happen overnight, it was a slow evolution for me with a lot of trial and error involved. It took me a LONG time to stomach paying $50+ for a shirt, and an even longer time to figure out what kinds of clothing I wanted to buy - but we’re getting there.

Check out 2019 Gina trying to copy my Mom’s glasses look from Mexico.

I will forever be grateful to my Thrift Queen mom for teaching me how to spot quality, how to identify different fabrics and quality construction, and that style doesn’t have to cost money. But I’m now getting to put my spin on it.

I’m sure my own daughter will have to break the rules I teach her too. There will be unintended consequences of the examples I set for her too. It’s all part of the deal.

What rules did you have to break to find your personal style? Let me know in the comments, I would love to start a broader conversation on this.

Xoxo

Rich Mommy